The sun is rising and setting, the sand is falling through the hourglass, and the 2020 Democratic primaries are rapidly approaching. If the party hopefuls’ campaigns are any indication, it’s going to be a sideshow act you won’t want to miss.
In the meantime, the desperate grabs each runner makes for the candidacy are plenty entertaining.
Sure, there are the extremists who are pushing a bolder flavor of socialism to the forefront in an attempt to resuscitate the party—which is about as effective as using a pair of whoopie cushions instead of a defibrillator—but even that is so insane, you have to take a moment to laugh once and a while.
Trending: FUNNY: Who’s Tired of the Royals?
In the case of Eric Swalwell, he seems to land somewhere near the “definitely not going to be president but will fade into obscurity rather than being forever remembered for some heinous act” mark.
The latest faceplant from the California congressman is a failed pitch for campaign donations made in a tweet last week.
Rather than spend a hard-earned dollar on something transient (and tasty), Swalwell said to potential voters, they should instead use that dollar, or more, to fund his campaign and “save us from a crumbling government”:
$1 could buy you half a bag of chips OR it could save us from a crumbling government.
How will you spend yours? https://t.co/Pv5VZ5WDWg
— Eric Swalwell (@ericswalwell) April 18, 2019
A false sense of urgency, an ultimatum, and a guilt trip. Great thinking, Eric! I actually prefer chocolate for cheat days, but since you brought it up, I’ll be buying a big ol’ bag of salt and vinegar chips.
The rest of Twitter agreed:
— Sensor3 (@VPNavy) April 19, 2019
All. The. Chips.
I’ll spend it on ammo!
— Sam Chapman (@schapmanfishing) April 18, 2019
Presumably that dude won’t be snacking on .22 shorts, but still a great choice.
Chips don’t try to take my Constitutional rights away. And they’re yummy. pic.twitter.com/ElpUC1Oeqh
— Kelly (@Kellykoop) April 19, 2019
Dinesh D’Souza also wasn’t afraid to call Swalwell out for his mother-in-law-like use of guilt in campaigning:
Translation: You could spend it on you, or you can give it to him. But notice how his selfish appeal is camouflaged to make YOU feel selfish if you don’t pay up https://t.co/tWbUTgyev9
— Dinesh D'Souza (@DineshDSouza) April 19, 2019
And, my personal favorite:
Crumbling government? Don't threaten me with a good time.
— Dylan Lass (@dylanlass) April 18, 2019
You know what, Mr. Swalwell? I think I might just “be bold” and try those dill pickle-flavored chips for a change. Nice try, though!