RIP Childhood: These Schools Are Banning Halloween Because It’s Not “Inclusive”

We’re now halfway through October, everything is pumpkin spice flavored and orange, and Halloween is on its way.

Well, that is to say, it’s on its way to every school and neighborhood that has grown a thick enough skin to withstand the culture-appropriating and generally offensive triggerfest it devolves into each year.

For others, like the elementary school in the tony Chicago suburb of Evanston, the fall season won’t be quite so fun and spooky.

Earlier in September, the school announced plans to cancel Halloween—not just certain costumes or games, the whole damn holiday—over concerns that some children who did not celebrate the holiday would be offended by spooky costumes and decor, according to North Cook News.

“Halloween parties may not be essential to a school’s ‘core curriculum,’” Betsy Hart of Wilmette and founder of New Trier Neighbors told North Cook News. “But disbanding this age-old tradition, the stuff of innocent childhood memories and joy, because someone somewhere finds it ‘offensive,’ smacks of Orwellianism. It is a symptom of a much larger problem and, well, it’s scary.”

The school disagrees, of course, on the super-serious grounds that Halloween damages their belief in “equity.”

“As part of our school and district-wide commitment to equity, we are focused on building community and creating inclusive, welcoming environments for all,” Principal Michelle Cooney wrote in an email to the Chicago Tribune. “While we recognize that Halloween is a fun tradition for many families, it is not a holiday that is celebrated by all members of our school community and for various reasons.”

The Monona Grove School District in Wisconsin also banned the entire holiday and all forms of celebration (including parades, parties, and costumes), calling it “inappropriate” and not “inclusive.” Supervisors at the school district claim that Halloween invariably excluded certain children at their schools and highlighted social, financial, and cultural “inequities.”

Over in Scotland, the very birthplace of the practice of trick-or-treating, one school banned Halloween in favor of an “Autumn Dance,” according to the Sun, after two parents complained that “not all families celebrate Halloween,” and that “forcing” kids to purchase Halloween costumes to wear to school could put an unnecessary strain on family budgets.

We are truly robbing an entire generation of kids of their creativity and problem-solving skills with this nonsense. Now, I can understand that costumes and candy can get pretty pricy. However, I also know that paint and tape are cheap, cardboard is cheaper, and you can make damn near any costume out of leftover Amazon boxes and have a heck of a lot more fun doing it than buying a costume at the store.

Or, you know, just put a pumpkin on your head. Quick and easy.