Being agreeable is difficult for me. Even when I’m around people whose views and beliefs I share, I find it distasteful being constantly of one accord. It pains my very soul to agree with someone whose opinions and beliefs almost always run counter to mine.
However, since I tend to be a quick draw pointing out the idiosyncrasies, foibles, and general lack of common sense often displayed by our friends on the left, it’s only fair to acknowledge their achievement when they actually hit the target. So, as difficult as it is for my fingers to type the next sentence, here it is… Words really do matter; they got that one right.
The state of a society is a good indication of its members’ ability to communicate, and – short of telling another driver he’s number one after he’s cut someone off – words are the basis of effective communication. Good words from a person we love and respect can send our souls soaring to the moon. Bad words from that same person can fling us into the depths of hell.
The pen, it’s said, is mightier than the sword. The fate of nations often hang on a single word. Any doubters need look no further than the verbal jousting match going on right now between Kim Jong Un and President Trump. The lives of literally millions of people depend on both men using exactly the right words exactly the right way.
We all thought our English teachers were mean old women and men who made up silly rules and called them grammar so they could give us bad grades. It turns out they were just trying to help us be literate, productive citizens capable of moving society forward. How can it be possible to say what you mean and mean what you say if you don’t know how to properly use words? It can’t be done. For some people, though, that’s the goal.
Americans, while often overly optimistic and greatly enamored of reality TV shows that have about the same relationship with reality as leftist social and economic policies, generally don’t like to be bothered with flights of fancy when it comes to raising children and earning a living. The leftist agenda, however, is made up mostly of sugar and spice and methane passed through a unicorn’s rear-end. That makes it a hard sell – if it’s presented honestly.
That’s why thinking folks often scratch their heads and stare vacantly when a leftist shrieks…talks, I meant talks…about letting Democrats rebuild society in order to avert whatever crisis threatens humanity with extinction this week. Those lefties get kind of fuzzy with their words, twisting the meanings around or just making up new ones to make them fit their narrative.
This new fluidity of language can be confounding. So, here are the opening pages of a new reference guide to liberal lingo. Actual definitions are all from the current American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language found online.
What the left thinks it means: You don’t agree with me. And you’re evil jerk.
What it really means: To feel strong dislike or hostility toward.
What the left thinks it means:
1. CNN said your argument isn’t true, so it’s been debunked. And you’re an evil jerk for trying to use it.
2. Fox News reported this as true, so it’s automatically debunked. And you’re an evil jerk for watching Fox News.
What it really means: To expose or ridicule the falseness, sham, or exaggerated claims of.
What the left thinks it means: What you’re saying doesn’t support The Agenda, so it must be false. And you’re an evil jerk for making it up.
What it really means: While this term is too new to be included in a legitimate dictionary, common sense tells us it is fabricated information reported by a news agency as real, usually for the purpose of forwarding an agenda.
What the left thinks it means: Guaranteed success for every member of every group they champion. And you’re an evil jerk for thinking it means government can’t restrict any American’s right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness just because you hate them.
What it really means: Absence of discrimination, as in the workplace, based on race, color, age, gender, national origin, religion, or mental or physical disability.
What the left thinks it means: We say jump, and Congressional Republicans ask, “How high?” And they’re all evil jerks for having a different opinion.
What it really means: Of, consisting of, or supported by members of two parties, especially two major political parties.
What they think it means:
1.) Mean words and actions that make us upset. And you’re an evil jerk for making us feel unsafe.
2.) The most dangerous part of a fully automatic, high capacity Daisy Red Ryder AR-15 assault rifle. And you’re an evil jerk for having one.
What it really means:
1. a. The lever pressed by the finger to discharge a firearm.
b. A similar device used to release or activate a mechanism
2. Something that precipitates a particular event or situation.
Well, look at that. They kind of got something right with that last one, and that’s too many times I’ve had to be agreeable today. More of the left’s purloined patois and how to translate it will follow in another installment. If you came across a particularly puzzling bit of liberal linguistic gymnastics, send it in a comment. I’ll be happy to research it and include it next time.
Roy Jeffords is an author, ghost writer, and curmudgeon-at-large. A graduate of The Citadel, the Military College of South Carolina, he lives in Texas with his wife and their two boxers. Find him on Facebook at Roy Jeffords, Twitter @royjeffords, and Instagram royjeffords. Contact him at email@example.com.